I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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