I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
