I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Barsexuality is the new black.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
