I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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