I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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