did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
