I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
