Duck Duck Cougar?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
