i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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