I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
