I think i peed on brittanys purse
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
