when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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