he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I think your dad took our porno
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
