her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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