On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
