Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
