i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
