I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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