Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How's work?
Spinning.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
