I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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