It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
