In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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