Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
