I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Four minutes until I can fart!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
