I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
