I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
