he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
