after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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