I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
