When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I am mentally ready for anal.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
