i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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