sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
