I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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