You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
