I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
