There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
