Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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