Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
