Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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