he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize