drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
