We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just blew my weed a kiss
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
