Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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