I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
