apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
