I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
