I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
