Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
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