She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You need Xanax blowdarts
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
