He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
