are you still at the devil's house?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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