let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you will always have a special place in my vag
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
