there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
