ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize