Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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