Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
