My friends, they love my intelligence
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
This is the high leading the old right now
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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