kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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