I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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