We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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