A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
