Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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