he puts the penis in happiness.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
