the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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