My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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