you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
