dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
