not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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