You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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