So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
