Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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