Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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