You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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