My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
