there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
home. puking in laundry basket.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
