I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
