I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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