eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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