Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
