he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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