So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
