i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
