You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize