I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My breasts were aching with rage.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
