Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
