had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
