I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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