I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
