I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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