you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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